To My Little One – a poem of light amid darkness

No, not yet here
Not born or even conceived
Yet you are on the way
As surely as someone
Who has set out on a long journey

The day will come when
Your weary feet will find your way to my door
You will curl up in the comfort of my arms
look up and know that you are home

Till then you live in my heart
In my mind’s eye
In my determined spirit and stubborn body
In my refusal to give up
In the candle shining in the window
In this resolute struggle to wrest life out of death

In the dark and the cold,
Alone with no compass
I will go out to meet you
I will carry a light
And I will keep walking
I will narrow the distance
Meet you more than half way
I will not rest
Until you are safe

No mother leaves her child
alone in the dark

When I have found you
What will I offer?
I want to give you the world of my choosing
But the hard lessons of mothering
begin before you arrive
I cannot give you the world
I would wish for you
Only the world as it is

I cannot give you my big brown eyes
But I can give you eyes that look on the world with wonder
I cannot give you my happy spirit
But I can give you the delight of a mother with a happy spirit
I cannot give you my musical ability, or love of dance
But I can raise you in a house filled with music
I can dance with you in my arms every day
I cannot give you my intelligence
But I can show you books and nature,
Ideas and people;
Tell you stories and poems;
Unlock the mysteries of learning and thought,
And awaken your Spirit to awe

I cannot give you what was born in me,
but what I made of it
It is not all of me,
but it is a good gift,
one worth giving.
The rest will be you.

As for the world that I do offer
It is not a perfect place.
It is a place where
sadness sometimes comes before joy
and other times after it
Where sometimes things work out
the way you want
sometimes another way
and sometimes, not at all.

It is still a beautiful world
And I still want you in it
And I am still walking toward you
With my small light shining
Through this endless dark night.